Rules for fuck buddies
While the media is full of talk about
how people no longer date, they have hook ups, and there are high
profile movies called 'Friends With Benefits' and 'No Strings
Attached', there's never been a better time to be a fuck buddy, or to
find one.
But it's important to know what you're
doing, and the reality is that such relationships come with a set of
rules that it's vital to bear in mind. There are never really “no
strings attached”, in real life, you just have to know what kinds
of strings, and how long they are.
You may want the relationships you want
with women to be straightforward, without any need to tend them, see
the person, etc. In reality, you'll find that the women you meet
don't want that, they need nurturing, talk, kindnesses, more than
just sex.
And while, verbally they may give lip
service to that initially, they may ask for more later on.
Lets put this in terms that might make
it easier to understand. Lets say you want a mobile, but you'd rather
avoid the 24 month contract.
The problem is, you can't find a
network that will sell you the mobile without the long tie-in, and
the mobile you can get on pay as you go aren't as good as the top
Iphone or Android handsets. There's a price that goes with the fancy
expensive phone, that you simply can't get around.
Now you may scream that you just wan to
pick up the phone and text and call people, it's not much to ask. But
that's not how the world works.
Instead, you need to follow these
rules, in order to be a fuck buddy. Firstly, it's vital to ask for
what you want. You may want to avoid doing this in order to avoid
seeming like a bad person, but you'll only end up hurting the other
person more and feeling terrible anyway.
They may surprise you, and take you at
your word. You'll be doing them and yourself a kindness.
When we say you should be clear about
what you want, we mean exactly that. Will you see each other between
hookups? Will they be your friend outside of sex? Are you going to
keep each other exclusive, or will you both be seeing other people?
These are the some things that need to be clarified.
Another key thing to do is trust
your instincts. If the person you're communicating with is saying
exactly what you want to hear, but your gut tells you something isn't
right, then move on.
It's a sad reality, but people often
say what you want to hear in the hope that they will adapt over time,
their feelings towards you will change. An additional tip on this for
men is that it's important not to just use your fuck buddy as a
hooker.
You will need to connect with how
they're doing as a person, even if you want to not be part of the big
issues of their life, like work, children, responsibilities. Just
acknowledging that they have those things and being respectful about
them goes a long way.
You may be surprised, but men, just as
much as women, may expect the tendernesses of a relationship. That's
not going to happen, if you're going to keep things strictly sexual.
You're not going to get, and nor should you give roses and
chocolates.
That's traditional romantic territory,
and if that's what you want, fine, go for that and be clear about it.
A couple of final pointers. Keep your
private life separate from the person. They don't need to know
everything about you, and vice versa. Things like this may be used
against you if it's an affair, for example.
It also helps establish that boundary
between you, making it clear that it's strictly sexual. If you start
telling them your favour colour, and your top 10 best records of all
time, and the school you went to, and your first love, and about your
deep private emotional stuff, ,well, that's going to veer off very
quickly into a marriage. And no one has sex in marriages, hehehe.
Lastly rule, be generous in bed. Make
sure the other person gets off. It's a give and take relationship,
and true friend help each other out. It's the one thing you're there
to do, get the other person off. So make you do it – well. Read up
on sex technique if you have to, but make sure you satisfy your
friend with benefits.
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